Ever notice how it's the little things in life that amuse us so much? More to the point, ever notice how it's the silly little idiocies in life that amuse us more than anything else? Well, this is not as much ''the little blog that could'' as it is ''the blog that enjoys going up the down escalator in your local mall.'' Will it have anything of real importance? No, probably not. But enjoy the ride never the less!

 


According to Sean Gaffney, I end up being absent for some great "rimshot" moments. Such as:


Jason: When I see the movie title "Mighty Uke", is it bad that I don't think of the Ukelele but the Japanese term "Uke"? http://mightyukemovie.com/

Sean: I think Chaos would count as a Mighty Uke. ^_-

Jason: I would have to agree with you on that. XD


...on the other hand, perhaps the term "rimshot" is a little too incriminating here. Although Chaos would actually think that means he's now a super hero and spend hours designing his own costume. (Most of those hours naturally spent trying to make sure his codpiece is perfectly aerodynamic...once again failing to realize the implications of this.)

Does this mean I must remedy this problem by getting Twitter? The chances are, admittedly, quite grim; we are talking about someone who has gleefully resisted LiveJournal partially because he enjoys watching all his friends flounder as they try to use Earth logic & convince him to get an LJ account.

Labels: Chaos the Mighty Uke ( talks about himself in third person and likes attending all of Stephen Colbert's gayest rainbow closet parties)

posted by Phillip at 6:56 PM

 


Yes indeed, as GladOS's Portal song proclaims, "I'm still alive." For those of you already cringing at what could possibly be yet another tired reference to an overused meme, consider the alternative: I could have just spent the last 5 paragraphs describing to you a scene where I strut down the blogosphere to the BeeGee's "Stayin' Alive."

Suddenly cake-baking doesn't seem so bad, does it?

So when we last left our hero (that would be me), I was down in Connecticut doing the post-Christmas Christmas bash with Mel's family. Overall, I'd have to say it was a rousing success. Presents were opened. Outlet malls were shopped at...wherein I made absolutely no purchases. Coach Outlet stores were visited, wherein I marveled at how some women are more than ready to pull each other's arms out of their sockets for a good deal. (But not me. I much prefer following a more structured approach of going after my opponent's vital organs in alphabetical order. You'd be amazed at how many people are surprised when they learn that 'adrenal gland' also starts with 'a', and that it is far more vital than, say, the appendix.)

Mel finally got her fix of Outback Steak House meals, specifically the bloomin' onion. She's spent the last year in withdrawl ever since Outback pulled out of Canada. The experience momentarily pushed her into considering border hopping every few months just for her fix...but the odds don't favour an Outback in the US side of Niagara, sadly.

And perhaps the best part of the entire trip: Sammy the gay wonder Schnoodle only violated mea couple dozen times! That's significantly down from the last time. Maybe he's starting to pick up on my "let's just be friends" signals.

Alas, all things had to come to an end. Unfortunately, the end of our time in CT coincided with the end of nice weather. The morning we left, there was a grand ol' snowstorm that kicked up on the first leg of our journey. I spent a good 10 minutes just at the beginning cleaning off the car from a solid 2-3 inches of snow. And what should have taken about an hour or so on the roads got dragged out into a good 2 hours thanks to diminished visibility, slow-moving trucks and a hell of a lot of spray being kicked up from tires.

Luckily, just was got into the first part of NY State, the snow abuptly ended, and while the skies were still overcast for the remainder of the trip no more snow flitted down. As a result we made ridiculously good time and managed to arrive home at pretty much the original time we'd figured on.

Then it was back to work as usual. And still is the usual. Bah.

On the otherhand, I may have stumbled into something unexpected. A short while ago, I had purchased a large amount of groceries whilst at work, leaving them in the back until the remainder of my shift. Mel happened to have the day off and visited the St Jacob's farmer's market, bringing with her a bounty of utterly addictive, maple-garlic pork sausages, which she left with me for a time. Now one thing you have to realize is that these maple-garlic sausages will not only drive you nuts with their delicious, delicious smell, but they had this unique ability to spread their flavour to everything around them.

As a result, when I started into my pack of generic, chocolate fudge cookies for work, I happily discovered they were now chocolate-maple flavoured instead. And disturbingly tasty too. To paraphrase Homer Simpson, "I don't know science behind it, but maple made it good." I must confess that now I feel the need to actively seek out a means of creating maple chocolate desserts, if not cookies, to replicate this accidental success. Shiney.

Today's Lesson: your shih-tzu may end up going to hell after you realize she's peeing on the head of a snow angel.

Labels: Connecticut ahoy, now with 25 percent more gay wonder schnoodle, this blog has a chocolate maple flavour

posted by Phillip at 4:33 AM

 


You may have heard the rumours that Mel & I are currently spending the weekend down in CT with her family. These rumours are true. You may have also heard that during the (otherwise uneventful) 8-hour car ride down, Shady got carsick and barfed all over my jacket. Sadly, this is also true. Which wouldn't be quite so bad, but it's a black dry clean-only jacket, and she yarfed a half-digested Dentastix onto it. At this moment, we've managed to clean the worst of the mess, but there's still a large, slightly visible light-brown stain on it.

Mind you, this pales in comparison to the antics of the other dog currently in the household. You may remember him from before: Sammy, the gay Schnoodle? Well, looks like I still bring out the fabulous in him--and almost exclusively too, as this only seems to happen to me. Within the first hour of our arrival, Sammy had...shall we say, "asserted dominance" on me at least a dozen times, violating pretty much every limb I had, and throwing my torso in for good measures. Thus far, my head's the only thing he hasn't started to hump.

(Which is just as well, as our friend's Cockerdoodle, Monty, has already beaten him to it.)

So what has Mel been doing whilst I've been fending off the amorous advances of Sammy? Mostly Farmvilling on behalf of her mom and sisters, who also share accounts but crave a lot of the stuff she has or can deliver unto them. Basically, she's pharming on her farm, for as odd as it sounds--or have I completely botched that Intarweb euphemism?

But it is good to know that should Sammy decide to assert his seme-ness...I'll probably end up the uke anyways since Mel will be too busy acquiring a fountain to care about how despoilt I become this visit.

In other news, today is Valentine's Day, a day celebrated mostly by the card companies, chocolate shops and flower vendors. I celebrated it by giving Mel a cute Peanuts card that shows Snoopy surprising Charlie Brown with a kiss from a mailbox, and a DVD. Mel celebrated it by letting me live another year. It's a fair trade, I think.

Labels: the ubiquitous return of Sammy the Gay Wonder Schnoodle, visits to Connecticut, What kind of a lame valentine is heart anyway

posted by Phillip at 5:31 PM

 

So today Mel & I head down to CT to visit her family for the post-Christmas Christmas shindig. This pretty much explains why there's been so little activity in this little bit of nowhere: most of our non-work hours have been spent making sure we've made all our arrangements (car, packing, making sure someone's in to feed the cat & bunny). That, and being exhausted. I've fallen asleep far too many times on the couch for my tastes. Ideally the quiet time down south will recharge my obviously flailing batteries.

(As if I required proof I'm in dire need of some time off, I managed to shatter a light bulb over my head last night as I was pulling down some luggage. Not exactly recommended, unless you've got a "covered in pointy, painful shards of glass" fetish. Then again, I also blame our Head Office for installing the spotlights less than a foot away from the damn shelves; we have to carefully maneuver any suitcase around them if we want to yank them off the top row.)

We'll have to see if someone successfully sets something on fire in my store this time around. So far both attempts to burn down the store in my absence have been microwave-related. I myself am betting on a herd of crazed, half-shaved llamas storming the store and eating all the winterwear. That would be strange, but cool, and something I'd want pictures of.

"But what about an explanation of how the llamas got there in their crazed, half-shaved state?" you ask.

Bah! Details like that are trivial. Who cares? I know I wouldn't after learning they did me a favour and ate all my winterwear for me.


Anyhoo, the next time a post is made, it should be from down in Connecticut. So until then, we shall leave you with Further Proof The Universe Has A Knack For Comedic Timing: this past Sunday, some of the Zehrs employees in charge of rounding up stray shopping carts from around the mall managed to ram and subsequently smash one of the glass displays at the jewellry kiosk. (In fact, this was the same kiosk that Mel is happily no longer working for. Imagine how much she was happy not to have to contend with this when I told her!)

So as security was cordoning off the area so people wouldn't walk all over the debris, the mall Muzzak system immediately kicks in with "Walking On Broken Glass." Well played, universe. Well played.

Labels: Sean Gaffney is not in CT and we shall miss not seeing him so say hello for us, visits to Connecticut

posted by Phillip at 4:46 AM